My Response - My Life - My Change

Anonymous said...

I started reading your blog a few years ago when I first started teaching Pilates. I was excited to find anything Pilates related to expaln my knowledge.

I hate to post a negative comment but you have mentioned growth as an instructor in previous posts so I am hoping that you are open to the feedback yourself. Quite a few of your recent posts have had a negative vibe to them. I can not pin point the exact phrases but there just seems to be this almost arrogant attutide that there is one way to do Pilates, one style, one learning approach, one schedule, one format that is best and the rest are inferior. We are all very blessed to be able to teach this wonderful method that Joe created for us and that many others after him carried on and expanded. We may all have different styles of teaching and learning and that is great. That only means that we are more likely to make a connection to all of the Pilates students out there.
Forgive my rambling...I just feel that as a business owner you may want to know that your messages have come across as less that positive to some.

Thanks for taking the time to share your information and perspective on Pilates.

February 10, 2012 10:54 PM

My Response - My Life

Dear Anonymous,

Thank you for your comment.

If I am hearing you correctly, you feel that a negative vibe now exists on the blog and that my writing has become arrogant. If you will allow me to explain, I believe I understand why you might feel this way.

When I first started this blog, my intention was for my clients to read it and gain insight. At the start, I only wrote modifications for exercises, recommended videos and stuck in a few Joe Quotes. I tried to do this in an impartial, non-biased way. After awhile, I figured out that more trainers actually read the blog than my clients. In fact, none of my clients read the blog. I thought it might be a nice idea if I started allowing guest posts for variety and different insight. It also become hard for me pick generic topics about Pilates to write about in order to have new, fresh content.

I know exactly which post changed the tone of the blog. I received an email from Beth Montanez who wondered if I would post her article "Uncertified". I knew when I read her article that it was a spicy topic. Her post wasn't the usual generic Pilates information and it wasn't someone trying to promo their DVD. This post had a passionate message and a strong opinion attached to it. This post also has the most comments and interaction than any other post on the blog. It also received a highly inappropriate attack from one individual that I had to remove.

As trainers, we tackle different issues that are challenging to our craft but aren't addressed openly. I allowed the blog to take a turn so people can have discussions, form opinions and share information on tough topics if they choose too. Yes, after this post went up I wrote about some topics that people might find controversial. This content can be viewed as negative if someone chooses to view it in that light. I got to thinking that maybe trainers might what to read content that goes beyond how to do exercises and video recommendations. Maybe these specific posts were too soon, too abundant and too abrupt. I made a decision to shed more light into my own struggles as a trainer in an industry that is changing. To let other trainers know they aren't alone. Sometimes I feel alone. Beth's post gave me the courage to take the risk to expose my feelings and thoughts on the blog.

As a person, I am a very black and white individual. I am direct and to the point. To balance this out I am also a wise cracker and a smarty pants. This is how I teach. My writing is a product of thoughts in my head that I chose not to censor....or maybe better said, I can't figure out the right way to censor them. These smart mouthed comments aren't necessarily what I would say to someones face but these are things I ponder in my head in my wise cracker voice. I can see how this may be perceived as arrogant or cynical to someone who does not personally know me. Good or bad, this is me, who I am and how I write.

I can only write about one style of Pilates, one learning approach, one schedule, and one format because this is all I am qualified to write about. I believe that the reason exact phrases can't be found in my posts, where I say that my method is the best method, is because these phrases don't exist. I can only write about my own Pilates experiences that have spanned over the last 13 years and things that I have dealt with. This blog is voluntary on my behalf. I make about ten cents a month from ads and get some free videos to review every once in a while. My income comes from teaching Pilates. My studio website has a different, unbiased, professional feel. They are two different things.

The last post, which I deleted, was supposed to address safety in teaching and how private appointments are a great place to start since everyone's needs are different. I had an awesome new client that inspired me to write this. I wrote this post after an exhausting work week while enjoying a glass of wine. I hit publish and it went up on the web....uncensored, smarty pants remarks and all. As a reread it, I see how it can be interpreted negatively, but in my mind, the little voice in my head, this is how I would talk to someone over a cup of coffee.

In this article, I mentioned how it's difficult for me to teach equipment classes. I believe I lose a connection with a new client when they refuse an introduction appointment before coming into reformer class. They claim to have reformer experience elsewhere but I feel bad when they are immediately lost at footwork and can't keep up. My seasoned client, who is in class with her, has spent thousands of dollars in the studio, is kind and copes, but I feel like she was wrongly charged for her lesson. I don't know whether to teach to the beginner or the advanced client. I feel I failed both clients because they have different needs that weren't met properly by me. I struggle with this as a trainer.

I also gave a blunt opinion on barre classes. I believe I said something to the effect that "I don't care what other people are teaching for barre classes because it's none of my business". The most recent poll, which also has record response, was whether or not it is ethical to go into another studio and take exercises out for your personal gain and teach it elsewhere. I wanted to know other peoples opinions, so I never gave mine. I answered yes. I am part of the minority that still believes it is unethical to take exercises from people without consent.

At one point in time "Pilates" was a trademarked name. I believe this was lifted in 2000. A certain someone did not want Joseph Pilates exercises to become diluted. He wanted to keep them authentic and as original as possible. The world's best kept secret. It was not rare to work at a studio that required a non-compete and client confidentiality agreement. We weren't called Pilates trainers. I remember these times. I worked during them. There are many people who still feel this way.

Because of my awareness of this issue, I am extremely sensitive about how other people and studios feel about their work. It seems most people view Pilates as just a bunch of exercises that are free for the pickings. I feel these exercises are someones intellectual property and livelihood. Pilates trainers are usually mentored by someone or they go through training programs that are costly and require hundreds of hours of training time. I feel it would be inappropriate for me to go into neighboring studios and take this information without exposing my intention and getting permission or offering compensation. I've had good experiences of sharing information with others. I welcome trainers into my studio and if they get some new verbiage or maybe one or two new exercises I am okay with that. If they wish to start pulling my entire repertoire out or pass out business cards in the parking lot, I will have a problem. Some studios have signature elements that make them unique in a sea of many. Respectful boundaries need to be in place and stay in place. When I say, "It's not my business what other people do at their studio", what I am saying is that I don't cross a certain boundary out of respect. It doesn't mean I think their method is wrong. I am always open to collaborate with another individuals that have good intentions.

Approximately six or seven years ago, I know longer wanted to be a Pilates trainer. I was very unhappy. I went back to school to continue pursuing my degree. I wanted to do something else. Through some soul searching I realized that I truly did love teaching Pilates but I didn't like the environments I worked in. I was expressing this to my accountant during our annual meeting and he informed me that if I wanted my own studio I could have one. If this was an actual dream, I could make it come true. I call my accountant my God send and can't praise him enough for his guidance. Thank you again, Bob.

My studio is a product of me having to hold 3 jobs and work seven days a week for years on end. I lost my life. While my friends took vacations and bought cool things I always went without. I don't have a husband or boyfriend to help me financial and both of my parents left this earth a long time ago. I walk alone. I don't come from much so I don't have very far to fall if I fail. Thankfully, I believe I will sail. I am slowly sailing. This is how I started my studio.

Currently, I work alone and don't get the opportunity to make connections with other trainers. For many people in my area, I am a conflict of interest. I wish I could go to some of these retreats I am invited too but financially it's just not feasible now. I don't have anyone to sub for me so I have to close my business down if I get sick or want a vacation. I have used this blog as a way to try and make connections.

It is very easy to hit the comments button on a blog and leave any sort of opinion anonymously. People can say whatever they please. As a human being, it is very difficult to expose yourself on the world wide web for everyone to criticize. Even some of my earlier posts, that I tried so hard to be impartial about, have nasty comments because I might have inserted one wrong adjective that rubs someone the wrong way when that's not my the intention.

This last negative comment hit me very hard. It hurt deep and many tears were shed. It brought me back to the time when I worked at studios where other people would slam me behind my back. The minute I had something valuable, like an exercise they didn't know, I was a very interesting person. I opened my own studio to get away from this and now it is all over my blog. This is why I hated teaching Pilates. This is why I still work alone, away from others. My studio is nothing fancy but it is the happiest environment I have ever been in and I love teaching Pilates....all six days a week, eight shifts a week, coffee in hand. People love this blog only when it fulfills their own needs. When their needs aren't met, they are quick to judge.

I would like to share one of my favorite poems.

Risk: Earl Reun

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your dreams, ideas before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
Chained by their certitudes, they are a slave: they have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is truly free.

I am a risk taker. I risked changing the vibe of the blog. I pushed it to a new level where others will not go. This was my blog, these were my responses....this is my life.

For better or worse, I took a risk.

My Dear Readers:

At this point in time, after days of contemplation, I am going to walk away from the Pilates for the People blog. For now, I will leave it up as is. It may still have value for someone. Unfortunately, it no longer has value to me.

I've decided to focus on other things in my life that are more fulfilling and have meaning. Perhaps I have already arrived as a trainer and just don't know it. Maybe all I really need is my small Pilates studio in Farmington Hills training the people I love and adore, all by myself.

In closing, I would like recommend two extremely powerful tools to help people on their life journey.

http://www.wikihow.com/Communicate-Online

Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg

These tools could change your life.

Peace Out!

Is it stealing? Yes or No? Why?

So this month's poll is about whether or not it is ethical to go into another Pilates studio with the intent of taking that studio or trainers exercises, work or ideas with the intention of teaching it somewhere else for your own benefit and profit.

I would really love to hear the justifications as to why people have responded with a yes or no.

Skillful Teaching - Chantill Lopez

*A Special Invitation: I would like to invite each of you to visit the Skillfulteaching.com website and join our community of teachers. Skillful Teaching is a project that promotes teaching mastery and leadership for movement arts teachers.

What you will find there:

Access to articles, teacher interviews and teaching resources.

Tune in and listen to Pilates For the People creator, Julie Schonfeld, in an insightful interview on teaching!! You don’t want to miss this!

Access to monthly tele-classes with guest experts in teaching techniques, business, self-care, cutting edge neuroscience, awareness practices and more.

Access to special member-only discounts and invitations.

Opportunities to share your stories, ask questions and connect with other like-minded teachers.

AND

I would like to extend a VERY SPECIAL invitation to you NOW!

Join us on February 1-5, 2012, in Santa Cruz, CA

For the ONLY ONE of it’s kind…

Exclusively for movement arts teachers…

TEACHER’S RETREAT!

Get More Information Here (http://skillfulteaching.com/upcoming-retreats)
Plus access to payment plans and an additional $100 off registration before Jan. 3rd!!

Honoring Your Teachers, Honoring Yourself

As the year closes, and our attention moves toward reflection, we have an opportunity to appreciate all that we’ve accomplished and waded through. When you are a teacher, this seems like a whirlwind of ups and downs, wins and losses, sweet moments of connection and terrifying moments of not knowing.

It is also an opportunity to pay special homage to our own teachers -- those who gave us knowledge and helped us reach understanding -- as well as those who worked alongside us to make our studios and businesses balanced and fruitful.

One of the greatest acts of generosity we can take part in is simply acknowledging both those teachers who have come before us, who set the stage for our work, and those teachers who currently stand side by side with us to bring healthier movement and joy to the larger community.

In the final days of 2011, here are some heartfelt, simple and potent acts you can take part in to cultivate gratitude and therefore continued prosperity in the New Year.

Acknowledge your teachers:

Grab pen and paper, find a quiet place, and close your eyes. Think back to New Year’s last year. Begin to feel the sensation of being there, a new beginning, an ending, unfolding into the potential of 2011. Imagine where you were and who was around you. Start to see the place, feel it in your body, smell it. Notice the details until you feel like you were there again.

Start to notice who was there supporting you and teaching you. Name them, feel their presence, list the qualities and strengths that you admire. Remember what they taught you, why they were in your life and what kind of impact they had on you.

Continue to explore the year’s events and crucial moments, acknowledging each of the people who gave you something, whether it was ongoing guidance, a single piece of advice, or just being available when you needed it.

When you get to the end of the year, let all of these people and what they offered fill you up. Feel gratitude well up and be there with it.

Now, jot down who those people where, what they did, and how they helped you navigate the past year. Keep this somewhere you see often and see if you can let the feeling of support fill you up in those times when you are struggling.

*A Simple Gesture: If you are up to it, send each of these people a short note telling them how grateful you are for their support. An email or hand written note will do.

Acknowledge the teacher in you:

Much in the same fashion as above, take a quiet moment to reflect on the trials and tribulations of 2011, focusing particularly on how you were able to work with challenges and unexpected situations.

Let yourself feel what it was like in each of these instances. Try to put yourself back in the moment. As the experiences unfold, see how you were either wise in your actions and appreciate how you were able to make good choices, or notice how in retrospect you see how you could have done things differently.

See each event as an opportunity to appreciate your willingness to show up for your teaching path, for stepping up over and over again to see what is there. Rest in the knowledge that each moment brought you to a new place of understanding and growth.

This is the teacher in you. The part of you that is able to keep learning, growing and adapting.

*A Simple Gesture: Write a sweet love note to yourself appreciating all that you achieved and overcame in 2011. Focus on what made you feel stronger, more courageous and brought your joy. Write down the moments you felt truly in the flow. Put this note in your purse, bag or day-planner so you can be reminded often of your infinite potential to show up and keep cultivating the heartfelt teacher that you are.

Acknowledge your teachers (your staff):

There have never been truer words than those pointing us toward realizing our success is not solely dependent on us. Without every single person we encounter, our worlds, let alone our success, would not take shape.

The biggest folly, and ingratitude, you can take part in is to think the success of your work, your business, or your studio comes from you alone. If we hold this as an underlying belief even in a small way it inevitably sneaks into the product of our work.

So, start right now – and do it regularly – by telling your teachers who much their efforts are appreciated. And better yet, tell the world.

*A Simple Gesture: 3 Options –

1. In your monthly newsletter, write a little blurb about how awesome each of your teachers are. Tell your students who much they contribute to the success of the studio and note their achievements from the past year.

2. Give each teacher a note telling them how much you are grateful for their work in the studio. Congratulate them on their successes.

3. In a highly visible place in your studio post a note about each of the teachers with the same content from the first two.

Make it easy and honest. And don’t just wait till the end of the year, consider doing this as a regular practice. It will do amazing things for creating stronger, lasting relationships with your teachers and making your studio a place where they want to be more often.

I find that all of these practices connects me more deeply with my work and gives me inspiration for putting one foot in front of the other. It has also created a foundation for my business that I am extremely proud of.

As I told my bookkeeper the other day, how I know we are successful is that our students and teachers are proud to be a part of our studio, they tell the people they care most about to come to us, they tell us all the time how much they love being a part of the community and they show up happy and willingly. And financial success has followed. With values and generosity at our core, I know prosperity will always follow.

May you move into the New Year with a greater sense of gratitude for yourself, your mentors, and those who support you. May these simple things become a foundation for a prosperous 2012!

Etiquette - Have we forgotten it?

So this week I had an extremely heightened awareness of our society and the lack of etiquette we possess towards others. Okay, this isn't something I just figured out. I think for me as the years go by I just become a little bit more agitated by people and their self absorbed behavior.

When I was a preteen my mother decided it was a good idea to send me to etiquette/modeling school. I was indifferent about going. I just went and learned how to be a proper little lady. I knew my mother sent me out of concern that I might turn out to be a little rebel girl. Well, bless my mother for sending me because I turned out to be a little rebel girl with some great lady-like manners! HA!!! How is that for wacky! Stay with me though. Let's explore the concept.

The yoga studio I go to posted a link to an article about the 10 characters you might see in yoga class. OMG....talk about hysterical. I was number four, the "show off". The flexible girl with a dance background that does every movement with ease and wears a bun. C'est Moi!!! Some other characters were the freestyler, the grunter, the granola guy and my least favorite character.....the latecomer. Now this was a yoga article so you know that there was some of that "we should embrace people and their differences" stuff but come on now. Where do we really draw the line?

This week in yoga, a latecomer decided to plop their mat down right next to me. Turns out not only was she a latecomer but she was a pogo dancer. You know, the student that hops around on one leg throughout all the standing poses and then wants to huff and puff about her frustration because she can't balance. Seriously? Do I really need to embrace that? Is it really okay to be late to class, disrupt the "show off" chick next to you (mind you, I was 15 minutes early and paid the same amount of money just to find some zen from my own hectic life) and then jump around on your mat like a fish outta water?

For those of you that know me personally, my biggest pet peeve is the late with anything person. In my studio, late to class is a super big no-no. Not only do I believe that it is disrespectful to the teacher but I also believe that it is annoying to others participating in class. Most people are also not aware that you can get seriously injured when you walk in late, especially in Pilates. I really don't want to have that talk with a client about why short spine massage isn't the first move you should be doing because you were 20 minutes late to equipment class.

I don't know if any other studio owners have this problem or not but being late with payment for your Pilates services is a really crappy thing to do to your trainer and small business owner. You knew you were coming to your Pilates class today, you knew you had to pay, you made a conscious decision not to bring cash, a checkbook, a credit card and/or you just couldn't get around to paying online 24/7 either. Seriously? Do you not pay for your groceries, gas and salon purchases at the point of sale?

Today I decided to go to the movies to see a matinee of "Midnight in Paris". Totally awesome film! The beginning of the movie started off with the beautiful sites of Paris. Someday I will get there!! Boy did that send me off to dream land. Unfortunately, the couple a few rows behind me had a problem keeping their mouths shut and after clearing my throat and turning around several times I had to finally get up and move across the theater in order to get away from their talking. The Starbucks is across the street if you want to talk. Better yet, the movie will be out on DVD soon and you can watch it at home and talk all you want. That's just ignorant.

There is no Pilates story for the loud talking movie couple. My clients are good about controlling excessive talking during class. I hope you are too.

So here's my last beef on etiquette for this week. I was driving home from work today and was stopped at a red light. I was minding my own business waiting for the light to change and all of a sudden this honking starts behind me. I didn't pay much attention because I was just stopped at the light and wasn't doing anything wrong and then I realized all the fuse was being directed at me!?!? Turns out one of our thousands of disgruntled drivers wasn't pleased with me because he couldn't squeeze his Cadillac between me and the car behind me so I received the honking and flaying hand gestures just for being stopped at a traffic light?

I'm sorry mom. No amount of etiquette school will allow me to conduct myself properly when someone berates me for doing absolutely nothing wrong. I won't go into detail but the little rebel girls response to this behavior wasn't pretty.

Again, there's no Pilates story to go with the crazy driver. I just feel better letting it out on the blog.

I guess the purpose of today's post was to explore the fine line between being accepting of others while not being pushed around, bullied or having your own quality of life being disrupted. I loved the yoga article but at the same time it really got me thinking. Should we really accept people and their ignorant behavior? My manners and etiquette are always wanting to be accepting and open minded towards people but the rebel girl in me thinks that sometimes absurd people really deserve a rude awaking.